Do More of What Makes You Happy

My brain is so scattered today.  When changes in my family are made, it seems like my husband and I do not make them in incremental steps like so many others, but do it with gusto and usually big life changes in a row.  For example, when we were first married, I graduated college, moved 3 hours away, and had our 1st child all within a 2 week span.  When we had our 2nd child, we moved out of an apartment and bought our home when she was 2 days old.  I can still remember my husband driving all over Houston to various title offices and notaries to get our papers signed by this person and that person.  And when we had our 3rd child, my husband left teaching after 4 years due to layoffs in his district, with no job in site, and due to an illness with no insurance was hospitalized with surgery 6 months later.  So, many changes in quick spans of time.  The rest of our 18 years of marriage have just been steady, anti-climatic, stable times.

And now here we are in another season of change.  Today, well a week ago now (because I typed this, then had to stop and reflect), after 11 years of children's ministry work at our church, we resigned.  It happens to come in a season as we finished our application and training for foster care and our oldest is preparing to head out on her own to college.  So, I see big life events happening all at once again.

As I heard a minister say recently, churches weren't meant to minister to the churched, but the unchurched, it's a statement that has stuck with me for a couple of reasons.  I agree and disagree with it.  Yes, churches, and I mean the people, not the physical building, are designed to minister to the unchurched to share Jesus with them.  But I also believe that they are meant to minister to the churched.  To help them grow in their faith, to live life with them through ups and downs.

Some people are good at expressing and asking for their needs from others, and there are some like me, who are not.  I wrote a blog post recently about Crying Over a Hot Dog, where I explained that there are many doers of the world who serve with no expectations of return.  But sometimes, those doers become so lonely, even in a crowd, and feel left out.  That's where we've been living for quite some time.  Lonely in the midst of service.  A churched family neglected, left out.  So it was time to make changes.

In a recent heated discussion with my husband, he finally exclaimed, "What do you want from me?", to which I replied, "I want my helper. To help me in this home." And to which he replied, "I want more joy in our home. Where did it go?" It made me stop in my tracks.  Where had the joy gone in our home? See, in the midst of doing, rushing here and there, working, serving our church, and feeling hurt, the joy had left.  And why would my husband be my helper in that sad place?  Being the great man that he is, he chose not to, and I don't fault him at all.  Why join someone in a place like that?  I wouldn't either.  So, a change was needed.

I didn't want a friend that would invite me over just to try to sell me something.  That's not friendship, that's business.  I want friends for my husband, children, and me who will do nothing but listen to us and talk with us and maybe play some games from time to time.  Friends who want nothing from you except you.  So, we made the change and are so happy we did.  It's not been an easy change, but is any change ever easy?  As a family, we've decided to do more of what makes us happy...focusing on our 1st ministry (our family) by not waiting on invitations from others, but doing things together as a family.  We've seen fireworks, played games, laughed more at silly Dad jokes, and been less concerned about how others perceive us.  We're not leaving our faith behind, just taking it with us to a new place, and for all these things and many more, we are blessed indeed!

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Keys to the Adoption Water Truck

Ok, crazy title to say that "Momma said there'd be days {or weeks} like this."

So, it all started with a very persistent and passionate sister about a year ago that dropped this seed of an idea in our hearts and minds about the remote, crazy possibility of fostering to adopt.  With 3 daughters of our own and a very tight, middle class budget, it just didn't seem like a reality for our family.  And I'm still not sure how much of a reality it is.  But after much prayer, many family discussions, the girls weighing in, an online orientation with the Youth and Family Services we'd be going through, and an ugly prayer time at church with a friend, I feel this peace that passes all understanding that still brings tears to my eyes.  Yeah yeah, the waterworks again...I promise no hormone checking needed.

Last week, my middle one didn't give us the kind notice of water shut off that gets hung on your front door when you forget to pay.  So, Tuesday, we all get home very late, no water at home.  Husband inspects to find a padlock on our water meter from the kind folks at the water district {said sarcastically}.  Knowing that we'd be hit with a large fee to remove it, we chanced it and cut said lock, after paying bill in full online.

Roll into this week and I stayed late Monday to complete the foster to adopt application, all 18 pages of it.  If you've ever had a child, filling out this application is a lot like having a baby.  It's very invasive, asking all kinds of questions, as they should.  It will get looked over by many eyes, like in a delivery room, and a decision will be made at some point in time, to determine if we are a fit family.  Again, there's this peace about the whole situation, knowing that we are stepping out in faith, not knowing the end from the beginning, not knowing how it will all work out.  And if you know me at all, you know these kinds of unknowns scare the living daylights out of me, which is where the ugly prayer time at church came in.  It was that fear of the unknown that lead to the entire box of tissues being used.  Ok, not really the entire box, but close.  We all (all 5 of us) rolled into the driveway about 8:30 pm to discover again, no water.  Husband inspects, and this time, the water meter itself had been taken.  We call the after hours number and they tell us we can't fix anything till 8 am Tuesday (today).  Knowing that I had to be on a field trip with my students today, my husband had to take a day off to tackle this large project.  After meeting with the crooks, I mean water district, and paying the said fee, water is restored.  You can ask me in person for more details if you want them, but I'll leave it at that.

So Tuesday morning, I'm off to school and while looking for my wallet, I notice my husband's truck keys in my cup holder.  I flat out panicked, calling frantically to see if he had a back up set of keys at home, only to discover that the oldest had taken the back up set so she could get in the house and get dressed for work before any of us got home.  So at 7:35 am this morning, with more tears, realizing that I had to be on a yellow bus to a field trip in 1 hr and 10 minutes and knowing that it was a 1 hr and 30 min round trip back home, with much prayer and breaking all speed limits, I raced home to deliver the keys so he could take care of the water district problem.  After the water district issues had been resolved, my husband decided to get my oldest daughter's truck inspected, so she could drive herself to work and school finally and quit relying on her Grandma taxi service, only to have it fail.  Why you might ask?  The power steering hose was cracked and the ball joints on the front of the truck were destroyed.  To be expected of a 21 year old truck, but the timing was just not what I would have liked.  If you aren't knowledgeable like me in car speak, it basically means she could have been driving anywhere in the next month and the front tires would have literally fallen off and she would have had no steering to help.  Not a good situation and not a cheap fix, but necessary.

And in the middle of all this, the dishwasher went kaput, but Thank the Lord for a home warranty that is covering a brand new dishwasher, not just a piddly part, but a whole brand new one.

Bottom line is that since we had the adoption thing settled in our minds and hearts, all these aggravations have crept in.  And that's all they are, irritants to take that peace away, or to try to.  The beginning of this journey has been riddled with mishaps and extra expenses, but God...

God is stronger than all that and I know we're headed in the right direction as a family towards the plans God has for us.  Plans to bring hope and a future to a child in need.  Plans to bring love and restoration to a child.  Plans to show our own children what it means to sacrifice and what love in action looks like.  Living life with another in need.  

So the keys to the adoption water truck have been crazy and I know there will be days {or seasons} like this again, but I find myself walking in faith that God has got everything under control and knowing that He's there in good and trying times.

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Crying Over a Hot Dog

Today, I cried over a hot dog.  I'm just going to let that thought soak in for a minute.

I know that sounds strange, like maybe I should have my hormones checked or something, but it was what that hot dog represented.  Follow me for a minute if you will.

There are many, and I do mean millions, of people who are the "doers" of the world.  They get things done.  They make things happen.  They are your teachers, administrators, parents, pastors, first responders, etc.  Day in and day out, they SERVE.  And it's generally not because of the extraordinary pay they receive, it's because it's who they are.  It's what they were born to do.  It's the work ethic that was ingrained in them from very early on.  It's because they see a need and without being asked, step in to help, to lend a hand, to support in some way.  It's because they want to show love to others by their actions.  I could go on but I think you get the point.

For me, I am a full time teacher, full time Mom, full time wife, full time leader in Children's Ministry.  I am always ON.  There isn't a moment that someone or something doesn't demand my attention.  Always ON.  My days don't belong to me, they belong to those that are placed in my care, who I've been blessed with.  But those blessings, can become draining sometimes, and sometimes those leaders, those servants, just need to be served, with no ulterior motives, no mention of a donation or payment, for nothing in return.  So, today I cried over that hot dog as I took my youngest beauty to an egg hunt that another church was having.  I was being served just because someone wanted to show love to others and asked nothing in return.  I cried because of their generosity, because of the time and effort, and yes finances that they used to serve others.  And because I was on the receiving end of that.  It's a rare event for me to be on that served side of the table and not on the servant side.  I'm not complaining by any means, but WOW, how many leaders need to just be served from time to time too?  For me, my love language is through Acts of Service.  I know this about myself, so when someone serves me without being asked or without asking for something in return, WOW!  I'm blown away.  That's what that hot dog was to me today, so I cried.  You can laugh at me if you want, I know it's a lot silly to cry over a hot dog, but maybe we should stop and think about our leaders.  I would venture to say that the majority of them are loved through Acts of Service, because that's why they are leaders, they serve others.  But how nice would it be to serve them?

This semester has been a hard one for me.  Many challenges, not even worth dwelling on, but for those challenges, I say this: I wouldn't be attacked it God didn't have something great in store or if He wasn't already using me to His Glory.  I truly believe that teaching is my calling in life.  That I've been placed there to make a difference in my student's lives and to reassure my families who are worried about their child's academics and entering middle school.  But golly gee, if it isn't also the hardest thing in life too.  As a teacher, or parent, or really anyone in a leadership position, you have to absorb so much negativity from others with a smile on your face and reassuring and calming words from your lips, while some ugly thoughts run through your brain.  So, how can you serve a leader today?  How can you lighten their load?  How can you reassure your leaders that God has placed in your life?  For some, just a kind word will go a long way.  For others, solving your own problems is a blessing.  (At least to me with my teen daughters.)  And yet for others, acts of service may be just what they need.  Picking up trash, doing their dishes, collecting supplies after an event, etc.

So, as a leader myself, I am challenged by that hot dog to serve my leaders too and not only those left in my care.  I hope you have a blessed day!