My brain is so scattered today. When changes in my family are made, it seems like my husband and I do not make them in incremental steps like so many others, but do it with gusto and usually big life changes in a row. For example, when we were first married, I graduated college, moved 3 hours away, and had our 1st child all within a 2 week span. When we had our 2nd child, we moved out of an apartment and bought our home when she was 2 days old. I can still remember my husband driving all over Houston to various title offices and notaries to get our papers signed by this person and that person. And when we had our 3rd child, my husband left teaching after 4 years due to layoffs in his district, with no job in site, and due to an illness with no insurance was hospitalized with surgery 6 months later. So, many changes in quick spans of time. The rest of our 18 years of marriage have just been steady, anti-climatic, stable times.
And now here we are in another season of change. Today, well a week ago now (because I typed this, then had to stop and reflect), after 11 years of children's ministry work at our church, we resigned. It happens to come in a season as we finished our application and training for foster care and our oldest is preparing to head out on her own to college. So, I see big life events happening all at once again.
As I heard a minister say recently, churches weren't meant to minister to the churched, but the unchurched, it's a statement that has stuck with me for a couple of reasons. I agree and disagree with it. Yes, churches, and I mean the people, not the physical building, are designed to minister to the unchurched to share Jesus with them. But I also believe that they are meant to minister to the churched. To help them grow in their faith, to live life with them through ups and downs.
Some people are good at expressing and asking for their needs from others, and there are some like me, who are not. I wrote a blog post recently about Crying Over a Hot Dog, where I explained that there are many doers of the world who serve with no expectations of return. But sometimes, those doers become so lonely, even in a crowd, and feel left out. That's where we've been living for quite some time. Lonely in the midst of service. A churched family neglected, left out. So it was time to make changes.
In a recent heated discussion with my husband, he finally exclaimed, "What do you want from me?", to which I replied, "I want my helper. To help me in this home." And to which he replied, "I want more joy in our home. Where did it go?" It made me stop in my tracks. Where had the joy gone in our home? See, in the midst of doing, rushing here and there, working, serving our church, and feeling hurt, the joy had left. And why would my husband be my helper in that sad place? Being the great man that he is, he chose not to, and I don't fault him at all. Why join someone in a place like that? I wouldn't either. So, a change was needed.
I didn't want a friend that would invite me over just to try to sell me something. That's not friendship, that's business. I want friends for my husband, children, and me who will do nothing but listen to us and talk with us and maybe play some games from time to time. Friends who want nothing from you except you. So, we made the change and are so happy we did. It's not been an easy change, but is any change ever easy? As a family, we've decided to do more of what makes us happy...focusing on our 1st ministry (our family) by not waiting on invitations from others, but doing things together as a family. We've seen fireworks, played games, laughed more at silly Dad jokes, and been less concerned about how others perceive us. We're not leaving our faith behind, just taking it with us to a new place, and for all these things and many more, we are blessed indeed!
